A GIRL’S ACT OF COMPASSION CAUSES DRESS CODE TROUBLE IN TROUBLE AT SCHOOL

You've likely heard by now that a nine year old Colorado girl shaved her hair off in solidarity with her close friend who had lost her hair from cancer treatment; she was initially told she couldn't come to school with a shaved head because it violated the schools written Dress Code (http://www.nbcnews.com/nightly-news/7-stories-skim-9-year-old-punished-act-compassion-n61691).

According to the cited NBC news report, one school board member voted against making an exception to the Code which allowed the nine year old to return to school. His opinion is, as I hear it, our country needs to get back to making more decisions based on the letter of the laws or rules rather than "emotion" (http://www.nbcnews.com/nightly-news/7-stories-skim-9-year-old-punished-act-compassion-n61691). Maybe there is some truth in his belief. However, fundamentally I disagree with him though I wouldn't want this to keep us from a civil dialogue.

Although the school board member in question might not be guilty of an attitude of Legalism, what he said points in that direction and I have come to have little tolerance for: Legalism as an attitude. One of the smarter guys I've known is fond of saying that every moral or ethical decision of significance is actually being made for the very first time, if done right.

In other words, every situation has mitigating circumstances although some situations appear as about as black and white as possible. In still other words even those who claim for religious reasons or other principles that Situation Ethics is wrong - period, are in danger of missing key factors that make everyone and every situation at least a little bit different. No matter how well meaning a person might be, an attitude infected with Legalism is too open to keeping a compassionate nine year old from attending school became of a loving act, in my humble opinion. Error I may. But I've chosen to risk being wrong on the side of reasonably applied Situations Ethics.

I've found most people, including myself, usually apply more of a kind of Situation Ethics to themselves and to their love ones than others, regardless of whether they would rather fight than admit to it. Sadly, it wouldn't fit into their sense of security born of the belief in a black and white world. But, if such "security" is a false security are they still entitled to clinging to it. Perhaps so, if it doesn't have a negative impact on others, but I can't help but feel like this kind of security and attitude is doing damage to those who cling to it and humankind in general. Could well be wrong... What do you think?


Nothing amusing about all of this; but the example this nine year old young lady provided goes right to the heart of what is good about human kind! As too many people can tell you when you're going through a traumatic experience like cancer and loosing your hair because of the treatments, those who literally pull-up beside you for support are irreplaceable! Who among us doesn't need a better support group; a group of really close friends who will stick by us through thick and thin?

Many historians have lamented that the U.S. doctrine of Rugged Individualism has too often morphed into a sad, pathological Rugged Loneliness; a blight on our culture. Sure we need our "space" and our proper "privacy." However, I can't begin to list the studies that have conclusively shown that generally people who have a healthy and healthy size group of close friends are happier and often healthier mentally and physically. But, still individuals languor in undesired isolation; even couples often feel isolated from others and too dependent on their partners to provide all of their social needs. Am I right folks? I would really like to hear from people here! So please make a comment - disagreeing, agreeing, admitting ignorance... only on this topic, of course!

I care about my neighbors; I really do. But, we all seem too busy for much meaningful communication. It's true, we might not all have a lot in common. However, personally I have decided that we have settled for communicating on such a relatively superficial level that we really don't know how much we might have in common and how beneficial we might find a deeper exchange of thoughts. I hope it's not just me! Though I'm sure there are people who would just as soon not talk to me; some likely for good reason. In some cases it may be because I have dared to breach the taboo of really telling them "how I am," when asked. Or, maybe I shared something that made them uncomfortable because we don't have a closer, stronger relationship?

I am not saying that every time someone asks, "How's it going?" that we should give them a ten minute monologue of the extreme details of our existence! I am suggesting we take turns at proper times and risk sharing a little more, progressively, of who we really are and how things are really going for us. Perhaps it's partly the fear that others probably wouldn't like us if they really knew us? Or maybe most of us just do have things we want to get to as quickly as possible that we find more satisfying than attempting the difficult task of trying to develop deeper, beneficial relationships? What do you think?

There are many, many other possibilities here; including that possibility that many people feel a need to protect their privacy and time more in a culture that can often consume our time in faster and in more frivolous matters than in the past; among too many needy people who won't settle for a significant two-way conversation - even when politely told their talking too much about themselves and not showing proper interest in the state of the other. I've  been there and understand this dynamic. Unfortunately I can get to excited talking about my own stuff and the unintended consequence is that I'm do a very bad job of listening or expressing sincere interest in the well being of those I'm talking at.

I'd like to think I'm not just being self-centered, but partly just being too excitable and not remembering to work on disciplining my natural, negative tendency! Whatever the case, I have pretty much lost at least one of my best adult friends because of this. He graciously pointed out my problem and I did try to work on it. But I didn't accomplish enough progress. I hope I've learned from this... So, having confessed this, what is really going on with you. I'd like to know in blog comments here even if I don't know you and it's anonymous. I'm not sure how to articulate it, but I believe we would both be enriched by such an experience. In my case I don't need to shave my head. I just need to remember that there really is a reason why we have two ears and only one mouth and relate to would-be friends according. In the immortal words of Dr. Hawkeye Pierce (M..A.S.H.): Two ears here, no waiting...  Peace, R.